#37

6 ways to practice the art of stillness

Five years go by. Same OK job. Nothing in savings. A body that’s gone soft. No real plan for any of it to change.

The weird thing about all of this is that you didn’t choose any of it. You just never stopped long enough to choose anything else.

Be honest, it’s just us here. When did you last sit down with nothing in your hands and just, think? Not scroll. Not stick a podcast on. Not “quickly check” something. Think.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve noticed it getting harder. Tasks take longer to start. Simple sums take a beat too long to figure out. Names, the film you watched last week, gone. As if they were never once in your head.

In 2014, researchers left people alone in a room for up to 15 minutes with only their thoughts and a button that gave them a mild electric shock. Many had already said they’d pay money to avoid that shock. Two-thirds of the men pressed it anyway.

That’s where most of us are. We’d rather feel pain than sit still.

And it’s getting worse. Psychologist Gloria Mark has spent two decades tracking how people work on screens. She found our attention on any one screen now lasts under a minute before we switch. We fill every gap with scrolling, emails, group chats. Now we hand the thinking itself to AI. I’m big on AI, but the one thing it shouldn’t replace is the part of you that sits with a problem until you work it out.

What stillness actually is

Stillness isn’t meditation, and it isn’t laziness. It’s time with no input: no screen, no noise, nobody waiting on a reply. You use it to sort your thoughts and put your day or your life in order. Not dwelling on the past but rather thinking about the next move.

That’s where plans get made, and plans are where action starts. Skip the stillness and you skip the planning. That results to your health, money and career running on default.

And default is how five years disappear.

How to get it back

There are two halves to this. First you kill the noise. Then you use the quiet you’ve made effectively.

Kill the noise

1. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb from 9:30am to 7:30pm

You don’t need to answer every message or group chat in real time. Pick two or three set times to check, like lunch and end of day, and batch everything then. When you react to everything as it lands, you’re working for everyone except yourself. DND puts you back in charge of your day.

2. Turn off notifications for good

Social media, WhatsApp, texts, email. If it matters, you’ll see it at your next check-in. Every buzz breaks your concentration and there’s enough research to back this now. Getting it back takes far longer than the interruption did so turn them off.

3. No screens for an hour before bed

Build a wind-down routine and make screens no part of it. Your mind needs that time to process the day and settle. You’ll sleep better and start to remember more.

Do these three and your screen time drops dramatically. You don’t need a separate rule for it. It compounds. Trust me.

Use the quiet

4. Take thinking walks

Walk first thing in the morning, alone or with your partner. Use it to decide what today is for. What you’ll achieve today, what problems need solving. You’ll also get early sunlight, which is one of the best ways to start a day as it improves your mental health and sets your circadian clock for the day.

5. Sit down once a week to think and write

This is where it all pays off. Take 30 minutes with a pen and paper, no phone in the room. Ask yourself where you are with your health, your money and your work, and where you want to be. Write it down. Thinking you put on paper turns into plans. Thinking you leave in your head just turns into worry.

6. Spend at least 5 minutes a day in prayer or spiritual practice

Being grounded in God is one of the surest ways I know to find peace. It’s also a reminder that you don’t have to carry everything alone. Whatever your faith, we all worship something, even if we don’t admit it. Make your practice a daily habit.